Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
