Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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