I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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