Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
