barbara walters just said penis...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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