Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
