I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
