I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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