So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
