I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
of course. lets lasso hookers.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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