I won't be sarcastic... just naked
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
