His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
how does that bad decision feel?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
