She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
