My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
