she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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