i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
