I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize