you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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