I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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