oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
