"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
im holly from the hills drunk
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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