that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
