my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize