Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
