the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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