I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
my shit smells like andre
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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