i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
