I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
