Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Randomize
