i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
