Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
