I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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