i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
