yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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