i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
MIDGETS
????
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
