If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
