She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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