I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
