theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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