Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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