Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Michael Bay diarrhea
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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