What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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