I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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