Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize