So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
