She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
