Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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