i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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