Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Randomize
