Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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