He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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