She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You were trust falling into bushes
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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