Moan for me like Helen Keller
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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