found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
