We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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