I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
