I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
