I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
