how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
