there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Randomize
