wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
