i permit you to call me
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
