I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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