im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My first STD was from a foam party
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
