If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
