is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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