you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
