My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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