At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
