that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
